You're Invited...Please Don't Come

A couple of creative writers wanted to generate ideas for stories so they published a fake wedding invitation and invited people to write fictional letters declining the invitation to their fictional wedding. There is a hilarious response from the mother of the groom:

. . .Needless to say, your father and I will not be attending. We would rather sell ourselves to a meat packing plant than acknowledge the union of you and this gold-digging hussy. . .

Read the complete letter from "mom" here.

You said your mama didn't think girls should be so bold
All of that from one little innocent kiss

Well now I heard it all
Maybe I should ask your mama to give me a call
Maybe she could tell me what to do about this
- from the song "I Got It Bad" by Matraca Berg (c) 1990